I think I will dust off this blog.
I am thinking about blogging for the next forty days - yes, it's Lent, and I am late to the party, but then again, I really have no idea what day of the week, month, year, hour it is because I am so tired all the time and it is perpetually 80 degrees here in LA. I don't even have seasons to be markers in my life. It's just a blur of sunshine. We've missed church the last few weeks because teething sleep was so bad that I couldn't keep my head on straight and it was just easier not to leave the house lest I have to put clothes on everybody and pack snacks and milk. Despite missing church a lot, the Spirit is definitely moving here. 2014 so far has been all about shaking us up. I'll explain that another day.
It occurred to me that my children are growing before my eyes and I am too tired to enjoy it and document it. That made me sad. We have pictures. We have videos. But I do not have much record of reflection. This 40 days shall not contain pictures and cute baby videos. It's going to be all text all the time. Because I need it. And if you happen to read it, cool. Leave me a comment or something. It's not going to be great writing, but I hope it will be something.
Now that my concert season is over, and Paul is busy as a bee with work, I am at capacity in every way possible as the more available parent. I love it and at the same time I often can't stand it. I love being the only person that my daughters could possibly want at certain moments, and yet I long for the freedom to set my own schedule, nap whenever I want, and be me again.
But then, what is me these days?
I'll be very general. There are moments in being a parent that I feel that I am as much of myself as I have ever been and that I realize that if I had not had children, there would be parts of myself that I would have never known. That is a strange realization. I then look at my 7 month old baby and think to myself, "You, small person, have made me completely reanalyze who I am, who I want to be, who I've been, and who I will be. Thank you very much. Now please stop biting me."
It is 8:37pm, so I will now take a shower and collapse in bed before 9pm, I hope. End of Day 1.
2 comments:
Good for you! I have been thinking about resuming blogging too, since these early months just slip from memory so quickly. Whenever I talk to parents of older kids they can't recall what they did at this age. I'm sad that I already have amnesia about early breastfeeding challenges! And it's so nice to have something to look back on, when I don't make time for scrapbooking.
I feel like I have even less hope for my future right now. Elliot is sleeping terribly and the only thing I can think of to blame it on is sleep regression. My husband thinks it can't be sleep regression because he's never slept well, period. I feel like I'm never going to sleep again...
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