The Taco

They say that having a child is like seeing your heart run around outside of your body. I couldn't agree more. Except that I didn't know that my heart was capable of such cuteness, so many stinky poops, such surprise, and such love.

So I guess we're doing this again. I'm 12 weeks pregnant today with Baby #2 (who we lovingly refer to as "The Taco" because of early cravings for Taco Bell, which no, I am not proud of, but yes, tasted so darn good and a bit nostalgic of my childhood) and as this first trimester quickly comes to a close and I am beginning to see something other than exhaustion and nausea around me, I will take this moment to process, be grateful, and be excited.

In many ways it feels much too soon - like, my body went through all this trauma and all the way back and my professional life did the same; so why are we messing it all up again now? And in many ways it feels completely natural and right. It feels like there is this little space in time carved out for this new person to come that will change us and change our family and change Elisa forever. This little person will really make our family a family, just like my brother made us a complete family when he came along 7 years after me and I can't imagine us being us without him. Like, you think you're complete, you think that this is just fine and just it and then you realize that your heart still has the capacity to love, to give, to do it all over again because your heart was made to be this huge, malleable thing that could adore these two little people running around outside your body.

Then I look over at my dear husband, who is cleaning the kitchen and washing the diapers and walking the dog while I pass out on the couch at 8pm (ok fine, it was 7:30pm). I see the way he adores our daughter and adores me even more, and I know that his heart is more than capable of loving another little person as intensely as our first little person. There was a time when I doubted that this was possible for us. But now as we prepare for the coming reality of Baby Taco entering the world, we know that all of us - even my toddler, and even the dog - will search within ourselves to love even more.

And that is what feels most right of all.

basking in today's 80 degree weather. goodbye, winter!