What do you do when you lose your job, look for a new one, and your job that you just lost calls you back in two weeks? You go to Texas, that's what you do.
We've had a very strange spring full of uncertainty mostly surrounding Paul's work. It's been too strange for me to really blog about. Maybe that's why I've pretty much fallen off the Lenten blogging commitment. I can't really say too much except that I've stayed emotionally detached from this whole thing, as I'm in pretty intense concert prep mode and am feeling really focused right now. But suffice it to say that with two days notice, they asked him to come to the office in a very glamorous part of the world (uh, not really) and on Tuesday morning he was gone.
Anyway, of course Paul had to pick the one week that C's eczema flairs like crazy and she gets her two top two-year old molars in. We were at the park on Tuesday morning and the wind started blowing strongly and steadily, making every sort of pollen fall from the trees. "Look Mommy, it's snowing!" shouted E. She loves snow. I had to chuckle and tell her that this was an LA kind of snow, namely, flower blossoms and all kinds of allergens falling through the spring air. That afternoon, C's eyes were watery and her skin started forming bumps everywhere. And by the evening she was itchy, teething, cranky, and a hot mess. She woke up about 4-5 times. I lost count after awhile in a sort of numb state of exhaustion.
Luckily, we had school yesterday. But last night before bedtime she had one of the craziest tantrums I have ever seen in a child. E, in all her stubbornness, never had tantrums like this. I misunderstood something C was drawing, and she burst into tears, screaming, kicking and writhing on the floor for 45 minutes. I tried everything. Sweet talking her, encouraging her, apologizing to her. Then I thought maybe a stronger approach would snap her out of it. Threatening a time out, yelling at her. Nothing worked. She had moments of calm, but then something would set her off again and it was over. She continued screaming like a banshee (the girl's got lungs) and kicking and hitting me whenever I would come near. By the end she was practically hyperventilating, and when she asked for milk, she flipped out once again when I opened the sippy cup for her because she's two and she has to do everything herself. I was really hating life in that moment. Meanwhile, E decided to be an angel since her sister was freaking out. She got out of bath, dried herself, dressed herself, brushed her hair, and sat with her blanket in a chair quietly thumbing through a Hello Kitty book, giving me a sympathetic look every once in awhile and at times covering her ears.
Suffice it to say that one against two is hard, and feeling like I can't even manage my own children sometimes and that I'd rather be working, mostly because it's easier than mothering - well, that's a terrible feeling.
I went to bed before 10pm last night because I was so burned out. But His mercies are new every morning. I slept a solid 8 hours last night and woke up at 6am on my own, and laid in bed contemplating the morning while the girls slept soundly until about 7am. Thank you, Lord. I would have cracked had it been any other way, and I think He knows that too.
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