Letters to Daughters

I'm a little behind on self-reflection. It's been one of the busiest summers that I can remember! We moved into a new house and celebrated our girls turning 3 and 1. They are absolute joy and absolute craziness all at the same time.

If I had had the wherewithal to write those nice birthday letters that some parents do (my plan to write one every year and give them all to my daughters on their 16th birthday is a little bit behind), they would have gone something like this.

July 11, 2014
My dearest Esa Elisa Madeleine Elisa Cake Chocolate Cake Bagel Chun,
That is the name you have given yourself at the age of 3. So full of ideas, zeal, spunk and wit and your own nutty class of humor. You are a delight. You are also a handful. You announced right after you turned 3 that you wanted to say "bye-bye to diapers" and that was that. Despite all my best efforts and bribery, it never worked until you chose to do it. We have never looked back, and your resolve and decisiveness will be incredibly useful qualities to you later in life. Right now, they make me and your dad struggle over how strong-willed and stubborn you can be, with your own ideas, fears, and thoughts like your only reality. My dear girl, I know you will grow out of the ones that are not from God. I know you will overcome fear, realize your beauty both inside and out, and I pray that you will become confident knowing that you are loved beyond all measure, just as you are. I love you for your feisty spirit, your complicated, analytical mind, your opinions, your silliness, your desire to show who you are to the world right now by trying to do everything without my help. You have grown into the greatest big sister I could have ever wished for for our dear Cara Belle, and my heart is overcome with joy knowing that the two of you will have each other long after childhood.

And as I looked at you today on your third birthday, I realized that you are no longer a baby. This is the age where you have become a kid, holding hands with your friends at the Merry Go Round instead of me, and giggling with delight every time we went up and down and you took a peek at your friends' faces doing the same. That is one of the best memories of my life - seeing your pure, unbridled joy at this wondrous but simple pleasure. You bring me so much joy. And even on the hard days, when you've complained that you didn't have three different types of cereal for breakfast with oatmeal, pancakes, and yogurt on the side, I will remember how much I love you right now. My dear Esa, my prayer for you has always been that you grow into a mighty warrior for God's kingdom, full of boldness, passion, and an evangelical spirit. May your excitement have no limits.

Love,
Mommy


August 7, 2014
To my Car-Car,
My sweet girl, what an amazing little blessing you are to us, and despite the challenge and sleeplessness that this year has brought, I have tried so hard to revel in each stage of your infancy. Now I am sad that you are moving up in the world, climbing and crawling your way to toddlerhood, trying to get there without my help. Why are you so big already? Sometimes I look at you and I can no barely remember how it felt to first hold you in my arms as a tiny newborn, except that I know that your labor was quick and as easy as they come, and holding you right after you were born was definitely one of the best and most emotional moments of my life.

And as you grew, we noticed that your hair got curlier and cheeks got more kissable and lovable each day, and you became this little dumpling of a human being that I've had the privilege of loving and caring for since you came into this world. Your mannerisms already remind me so much of your daddy - the way you sleep so easily, the way you are cuddly and affectionate, the way you are generally so easygoing and agreeable until you get upset and then BOY are you really upset. You have his general skill for throwing things (right now, food from the high chair goes a long way) and you chose the baseball to his delight at your dol. But what I also sense, and have sensed from day 1, is that you are going to be a dear friend, just like your name. I already see the way you love your sister - that she, in her silliness, is the only one who can make you laugh with that high-pitched squealy laugh that you do. And that you are going to be a mighty counselor to those around you, and that your care for them will be sincere, sweet, and so important. I am already proud of you for being a loving human being. At the ripe age of 1, you have already won your way deep into my heart. I look forward to going into your room to get you every time you wake up. Most of the time these days, you're standing and grabbing onto the bars of the crib and bouncing like they are the walls of a discoteque, your little curls flapping up and down. You are a gem, and I hope you'll always know how amazing we think you are. In your unknowing way, you've made us a family - you've completed us into feeling like we are one unit that is strengthened in being together and living together and loving each other, no matter how tough it can be every day. I love you so much, Miss Curly, and I can't wait to see what this next year brings for you.

Love,
Mommy