The Competition

In about six weeks, I am going to Ithaca, NY to enter the Competition to Become the World's Best Classical Guitarist of the Entire Universe.

Ok, so it's not really called that. There are lots of competitions that take place throughout the year, but this really is the only one that matters, in my opinion. The winner gets not only $7500 and a CD recording made by Naxos, but a fifty city concert tour of America! For any classical guitarist, it's an absolute dream come true. Basically, they hand you an international concert career on a silver platter. I've had the privilege of studying with three former winners of this competition, all who were brilliant artists and phenomenal teachers as well.

It's a stretch, and I don't honestly believe that I will win this competition this year. My goal really is to make it past the preliminary round and onto the semi-finals, and I would be surprised, ecstatic, and terrified if I actually made it to the finals. But if I go and play my best and still don't make it past the first round, I will be totally fine with that because if everybody else is just better, then that's totally fair. If I go and don't play very well, I honestly will still be ok with that because just entering this thing is taking a giant step of courage for me. I even signed up last year and then withdrew my name partway through. So basically, I'm looking at it as I have nothing to lose. I am going to work my tail off for the next six weeks, and then just let things go how they go.

But why not believe that I could win this year? Confidence, at least verbalized in such a way, has never been my strong suit. I tend to think of myself more as a "realist" (or to an optimist like my husband, a pessimist) and my first instinct with things that I really, really want is to say, "Pshhh. Yeah right. That would never happen to me!"

It's time to let go of negative thinking. I want to believe that I can win, and not feel like I'm on some sort of ego-trip or that I'm being ostentatious about anything. It's time to stop embracing false humility and believe that God can do anything through me because doubting the possibilities is in essence doubting his power.

The other day, the parking shuttle driver saw my guitar case and asked what it was. I told him it was a classical guitar.

He said, "No kidding! Are you good?"

I paused. Then, a sudden surge of confidence. "Yeah! I'm good!" I replied enthusiastically.

Usually I wouldn't say something like that. I might typically say something like, "I'm alright" with a chuckle, or "Uh, I guess.." but for the first time that day, I decided to give confidence a shot.

This summer I am giving confidence a shot in my own small way.