Day 1: Hard Questions

I'm late for Lent, as I often am. This year, I was made aware of Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent, only because the cranky checkout lady at the local supermarket yelled at a customer who stood in her line after she put up the "Closed" sign and then asked if she was open. She yelled, "HEY!! Be nice! It's Ash Wednesday. Be nice. And don't take God's name in vain!"

Kind of a rough way to enter the season, but oh well. I am so out of it most of the time that I have no idea what day, month, week or year it is. And the continuous warm weather in LA doesn't help either. It could be February or May or December and I would probably be wearing the same thing.

Well, here goes. 40 days of blogging. I'm late, but I would still like to commit to 40 days. I hope there will still be purpose in that during this season.

E has been asking me some hard questions at bedtime lately. It's mostly on the topic of the Bible. We read her Kids' Bible every night, and she is really taking an interest in the person of Jesus. So far, Jesus is kind of a warm fuzzy figure that plays with children, makes food multiply, and talks about flowers and fields. She knows that the only person that loves her more than Mommy or Daddy is Jesus (or God, because they hammered it in during Sunday school that Jesus is God and God is Jesus), and thinks that Jesus is "kind of funny because he was sleeping on the boat."

Well, we got to the part about Jesus on the cross. You know, the part where it gets real. I tend to avoid topics like death and dying and pain and blood because it just seems like so much for a three-year old to take in. Her innocence is so precious - why make her think about such heavy topics so early on in life? But she seems to have picked up on the idea of death from preschool which she equates with lying down and closing your eyes, though to her, this is not a sad thing. Maybe like an extended nap or something.

A few days ago she flipped to the picture of Jesus on the cross.

E: "Why did Jesus die on the cross?"
Me: "Well, because someone had to pay the price for all the bad in the world. And if you believe in Jesus, you get to be in heaven with God forever."
E: "But Jesus is God."
Me: "Right..."

Ok, so she's got the whole trinity thing down (though we haven't yet talked about the Holy Spirit). Now, I can't say that I really explained sin very well in that moment, so we tried again another day.

Me: "It's kind of like if you drew on the wall, then you would get a time out. Like in the Olivia book. But instead of you getting the time out, Jesus took all the timeouts in the world for everyone."
E: "Well, I don't do anything bad. And if you break a cookie in half and share it, that's good."

That's my girl - from theology to baked goods in the same breath. Now, how do you explain to a little girl  - especially one who looks up at you all wide-eyed and beautiful, smelling like lavender soap and being so cute and cuddly - of her original sin?

Another conversation from earlier this week:

E: "Where do you go when you die?"
Me: "Well, your body gets buried in the ground. And then your soul goes to heaven or hell. In heaven, you get to be with God forever."
E: "Do you go in the tomb?"
Me: "Some people are buried in tombs. Like Jesus was, except that he rose from the dead so he didn't stay in the tomb."
E: "Well I wouldn't want to stay in the tomb either."

Such wisdom and such innocence. Sometimes at church I think about my girls and the desire of wanting them to follow Christ just crushes me. It breaks me into a million little pieces and I end up weeping on my knees. Other times, I have this sense that He's got it all under control, and at those moments there is such peace and joy in my heart that it also feels like it might explode and I want to dance like a fool and jump up and down. It would be my greatest joy in life to have the privilege of leading my daughter to Jesus. God, please help me.