This thing called Love.

I am 32 today. Sometimes birthdays make me a little melancholy, as I think back to birthdays in the past that were simpler and more carefree. I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side, because for a little bit all I could think was that for my birthday, all I wanted was some time alone. No whining. No nursing. No cleaning, laundry, work, or practicing. Maybe a mimosa, pedicure, and facial in that order?

Those things are nice, but I don't think any of that is in the cards today - nor does it really need to be. And I am ok with that. I am ok with today just being a normal day, because I'm trying to see this moment from a bigger perspective right now and I realize that this season of my little ones needing me so much is actually so very short in the grand scheme of life. Let's be honest - the first 3 months of babyhood are rough, and between postpartum pain, mastitis, and two hour sleep increments, I often find myself wishing for the newborn phase to be over. But wishing you could fast forward your own life is a pretty terrible way to live.

Last night, as I put Elisa to bed, we did our usual routine - brushing teeth, sitting on the potty, bath, and then some cuddle time on the glider. We talked about what we did that day, and I said to her, "Mommy loves you soooo much. Do you love Mommy?" She replied, "I love you, Mommy. Soooo much." This is the first time she has ever said this to me! I just about melted as she wrapped her little arms around me and settled into a big hug, resting her head on my shoulder. And I realized that although the rewards are limited now with Cara only able to eat, sleep, poop, and cry, before I know it she too will be able to tell me that she feels this connection between us, that she understands what love is, and that she reciprocates this thing crazy little thing we call Love.

I received a lovely gift from my sweet hubby - a gold necklace with beautiful little E and C pendants. A reminder of how blessed I am to have him and my two sweet girls. And rumor has it that we are going out to dinner tonight! Woo-hoo! I just hope that I can stay awake...