Being Second

During my first pregnancy, baby's arrival and everything related to babyhood was about all I could think of. No matter what I was doing, my heart and mind always came back to thinking about baby, researching baby gear, and nesting our tiny apartment to make everything ready for her.

This time around, my attention is so much more divided that sometimes I almost forget that I'm pregnant. Between juggling two part-time jobs and chasing Elisa around, I barely ever have time for myself and when I do, I'm exhausted and can barely keep my eyes open. They say that with second children, this is often the case. Second babies don't get the prenatal yoga classes, the Mozart being played, the birthing classes. Instead, second kids get the hand-me-downs, less attention, and all the used toys. I am a second child. I am also a middle child. So maybe I got both ends of the neglect? I don't really feel that way, but still - I sympathize with our second baby here and don't want him/her to get the short end of the stick.

So today, I put Elisa in daycare and got a prenatal massage. And I did not feel guilty about it. It helps immensely that E is in love with our daycare provider and gets so excited to go there now. This wasn't always the case, but ever since I stopped sending baby food along with her and she started eating what they provide (home-cooked Filipino food), she has absolutely loved being there. It also helps that she can name the lady that takes care of her there, and naming people is just so much fun.

During the massage, I was able to sort of check in with my body a little bit and just clear my mind. The therapist said that my hips were really tight and stretched me a few times. I even felt a few flutters (early baby movements) in my belly. There were fresh strawberries at the spa, it being Valentine's Day and all, and I sat and drank some mint tea for awhile and just sat there. A rare thing for me indeed. Ahhh.