Entering 2013!

Call me Scrooge, but I'm kind of glad the holidays are over. We didn't have the greatest Christmas this year. Somehow, Elisa managed to catch a miserable cold and then a three-day fever, which was followed by a bumpy red rash all over her torso. A trip to urgent care and the great wisdom of the internet said it was roseola, a viral infection that only affects babies between 6 months and 2 years of age. Our poor little girl was miserable for almost a week while we were at the grandparents' house in the Bay Area and she was not her usual happy little self. She cried and cried from her discomfort, was tired most of the time, and couldn't sleep well since her nose was all stuffed up and she would wake up coughing. Needless to say, we got very little uninterrupted sleep with her waking up every 3 hours or so. We were sharing a room with her too, so that didn't help. I managed to catch her cold on Christmas Eve and was still completely out of it on Christmas, sleeping most of the day while the rest of the family watched her. Paul was holding us all together until he caught the cold a few days later, just as we left to drive back to LA. But the trooper that he was, he still insisted on driving the entire 5 hours and we got home in record time!

Since we've been home, everybody has gotten healthy and settled into our normal routine again. I think we are all glad to be back, even though it was great to see friends and family up north. There's something about the comfort of your own home that is just really nice to have when you're not feeling well. And, it's about 10 degrees warmer here, though still cold for LA at this time of year. Elisa has gotten back to her normal, funny self, and we haven't had a crying session or tantrum for a few days now. She's full of smiles, laughs, and peekaboos at every occasion, and it is a real joy to see.

On New Year's Day, we arrived at Din Tai Fung in Arcadia at 10:45am to get in the line before opening at 11am, and were part of the first group seated in the restaurant. We rarely even bother trying to eat here anymore as it is crowded at all times of the day and we don't usually have the patience to wait for a table anymore. But it felt like a day for a new beginning. As we devoured our soup dumplings even before the clock struck noon, I declared that 2013 was going to be a good year. We made our resolutions that evening and set some personal goals for the year, and felt like our family was once again in a good rhythm. Putting away the tree yesterday, I wasn't sad or nostalgic like I usually am - instead, I was eager to move forward with life and take this year by storm. Bring it on, 2013!

Oh, for the love of Mommy.

It has been a whirlwind of a couple weeks. We had a great time in Seattle seeing family for Thanksgiving, and now somehow there is only a week until Christmas and then New Year's! Crazy how fast this last part of the year has gone by.

Elisa is in a phase right now where she just absolutely wants ME. I am like mommy on a pedestal that can do no wrong. Her eyes light up when shes sees me, she hugs my legs and wants to be held, and just this week she has learned to call out for me, going, "Mama. Mama? Mama! MAMA!" if I go from one room to another without bringing her with me.

I find this really sweet and endearing and I know it will not last forever, so I'm trying to cherish this moment in time of being her absolute favorite person in the world. I don't deserve this pure and unbridled affection from anyone, really. But I have to be honest... it is exhausting! I am exhausted from having this little person cling to me all day who would rather sit on my lap while I eat dinner than play with her toys about two feet away. She even does this thing where she pushes her daddy away if he tries to hold her and says staunchly, "MOMMY." It is amazing that the capacity to love comes out so early in children.

With this love also comes a comfort with me that seems to allow her to be her full self all the time. As Elisa is growing up, we're seeing that she is a very decisive, strong-willed little girl. She knows what she wants and what she doesn't want, and if we tell her otherwise, she can get very upset. It seems like in addition to her attachment to me, she also gets more frustrated at me. Sometimes when I tell her not to do something she throws a little tantrum but keeps saying the syllable, "Mamamamamama!" I said to Paul, "I don't think she's referring to me," to which he replied, "I think she's using your name as a curse word." That was kind of discouraging.

I suppose all mothers and daughters have their closeness and conflict as well. Sometimes I think she is growing up all too fast; other times, I am eager for the day when the ability to use logic and reason has kicked in and she is able to communicate all her thoughts, wants, and needs. The other day, Paul went to get her in the morning and as she approached our room where I was lying in bed, she said in a whiny voice, "Mommm." I half expected her to ask for the car keys too. Thank goodness that won't be happening for another 15 years.

Off to the desert!

We decided to take a trip for our 6th anniversary this year. The only problem is that having a toddler with us sort of limits where we go. My preference on vacationing is no plane rides, and no further than a 2 hour car trip. At this age, any travel outside of this range is usually more stressful than relaxing, so we've learned!

Another new requirement for traveling with a little one? No more hotels for us. On our first experience vacationing in a standard hotel room, we were so paranoid about waking her that we ended up sitting in the bathroom and watching movies on our phones while Elisa slept.  So now we have taken on the new habit of booking a house rental wherever we go, and it has worked out nicely for the most part.

We've been to the Palm Springs area a few times and have really enjoyed it each time. It's a nice escape and an easy trip from LA. There are great spas and some hotels have mineral water pools which I just LOVE. I also enjoy watching the terrain change on the drive eastward. And fall is a perfect time of year out there, not too hot and not too cold. I found this 2 BR house on a recommendation and thought it would be perfect for our weekend away, complete with a heated pool and hot tub for some relaxation after Elisa's bedtime. The plan was to cook all our meals, get some nice bottles of wine and champagne, and not bother with the mediocre/overpriced restaurant scene. In fact, we were fine not really leaving the place much. Kind of a homebody vacation.

The drive was beautiful, with Elisa napping peacefully and a cool but sunny day with lots of visibility.

The house was so immaculately designed that I almost hit myself for booking such a nice place. We were traveling with a small human tornado, after all. Elisa's favorite activity right now is throwing everything within reach onto the floor. We did a lot of outdoor walking to get all her energy out and also went to a nearby park. Here she is in front of our home for the weekend.

She later resorted to taking pictures of herself on the iPad. I forgot to bring toys. Big mistake.

 

But definitely enjoyed exploring the new digs.

The pool was inviting, but definitely not childproof either, so Elisa sat at the bar for awhile...

 

Then she went for a swim with Daddy, but did not enjoy it all that much for whatever reason.

We did a lot of cooking from my new Smitten Kitchen cookbook, which I am loving. And with a kitchen like this, who could resist!

Paul getting ready to feast on harvest roast chicken with grapes, olives and rosemary with a side of sauteed kale.

We reminisced about dating, married life before baby, and our current lives in the thick of parenting. Though we all had a great time together, it was still a little tough with Elisa not taking to the new place that well for bedtime. She cried for nearly an hour going to bed the first night, and then woke up again at 2am and would not stop until I finally just lay down beside her. We haven't slept next to each other since she was a newborn. I think she was really scared of the new environment and just needed reassurance that we were there. So I sang some hymns quietly to her until her eyelids started to droop. She clasped my hand tightly, her round eyes staring up at the ceiling, sniffling, trying to catch her breath, her lovey bear in her other arm. So sad.

At 16 months, fear has just become a very palpable emotion for her. When she sees strangers, hears loud noises, or is in a new place, she clings to me tighter or burrows her face into me. It's actually kind of sweet being somebody's source of security, to feel needed and wanted like that. But I think I slept maybe 4 hours that first night, which made the second day feel unbelievably long (despite the rough night of sleep for Elisa, she was up and ready to go at 6am, hitting my face until I woke up) until I thankfully got a brief catnap in.

While I lay there next to her that night, thinking about how different our previous trips to Palm Springs were, I looked over at her little face and saw her asleep, a sight that I rarely see up close since most of the time at home she sleeps well in her own room without interruption. I was tired, but that moment of being a source of comfort to my little girl in the middle of the night reminded me that my life has forever changed because of her. There will always be these nights, where my expectations of a full night of sleep are interrupted by her needs, and where her needs come before my own. It was a reminder that though she's not a baby anymore, she still needs us in a different way, and we have to constantly be flexible and adjust to her needs in every season.

The second night she went down beautifully, and slept straight until after 7am, which is a late morning for us! That night, Paul and I were able to enjoy champagne outside by the firepit, soaking in the hot tub and looking up at the stars in the clear desert sky. We woke up the next morning rested and ready for the trip back to LA. I even got to have a cup of tea and some quiet time by myself before Elisa woke up. After a lovely breakfast feast that Paul made of tomato, feta, and scallion omlettes, we were on the road by 11am, ready for a brief outlet mall and In N' Out stop on the way back.

So we had a few challenges, but overall a lovely weekend. I wouldn't have it any other way. So thankful for my dear husband and little girl.

Family Photos

We took family pictures last month. We don't usually do that sort of thing - we never took professional engagement photos or newborn photos, but I found a photographer running an end of summer special and decided to go for it.

In reality, the photo shoot was a total bust. Elisa drooled all over her outfit, so we had to put her in a backup outfit that the photographer didn't seem to like that much. She was super fussy by the end of the shoot, and I don't blame her, as it took about 2 hours and half the time she wasn't looking at the camera, nor was she remotely interested in all the antics we were pulling trying to get her attention. Then there was a mid-shoot poop situation and screaming diaper change. By the end, it was past lunchtime and we were all getting hungry and cranky. As we left Griffith Park, Paul and I were bickering about something stupid. I started crying. I'd wanted everything to look so nice and perfect, and it definitely was not feeling nice and not at all close to perfect.

So really, it was not a very happy situation.

It's funny that once you have a baby, people start calling you a family. And although this year has brought more challenges to our marriage than any of the 11 years that we've been together, we're doing our best to be a family. Which means that no, things are not always happy. Not everything goes perfectly, not every outing is free from tears and tantrums, and at the end of it, somebody is always hungry or has said something out of frustration. But we're trying, and being a family means we're not giving up. We love each other and that's what counts, and that's what I hope these pictures show. All in all, I think they turned out pretty well. Here are some of my favorites.

All photos by Bracha Jade. Elisa's denim smock dress by Kumquat.

Words

Elisa is learning so many new words everyday. It seems like the biggest part of any frustration on her behalf is not being able to communicate properly. Sometimes it comes out in babblespeak like "Weohweygog. Adabdab peeohmaneweeoh" but other times she surprises us by learning a word nearly instantly. Here's what she can say right now at 15 months:

Mama -mommy
Daddy- daddy
Ai- Aiko, our dog
Daw- dogs, or animals in general
Ya- yes
Hi - hi
Buh-baw - bye bye
Nana - food
Bay-uh - her teddy bear
Aw-bee - Aubrey, her babysitter
Up-puh - pick me up
Baw - ball
Ba - bottle
Ah - apple
Nah - no
chhssss- cheese
ta - guitar

The last one is my favorite. There are several other ones that she understands, but can't say yet, like walk, shoes, tree, down. I can also say the name of one of her books and she'll bring it to me. Toddler-speak decoding is pretty fun!

Standing pretty in a Kate Quinn Organics cowl neck vintage print dress

Goodbye, Mr. Rogers

Yesterday I watched this TED talk on media and children. It's an issue that I've been thinking about a lot, as media is an inevitable part of our daily lives and household. We don't watch that much TV, but Elisa has of course been exposed to a little bit of media - some baseball and football games with her daddy, occasionally getting a glimpse of us using our computers (we do our best to hide them from her since she'll insist on playing with them and drooling all over the keyboard), and a DVD set that I received as a gift from a student while I was pregnant called Classical Baby. Call me overprotective if you want, but I am just alarmed at the way most kids I see out and about are addicted to screens in restaurants, in cars, anywhere or anytime when there is two minutes of waiting or silence. And after reading Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman (which I realize has gotten a lot of criticism for not being a true representation of French parenting, but was a great read), I am much more aware of the way Americans lack patience. We are evermore a society of instant gratification.

This TED talk answered a lot of the questions I had about the ways that media can be harmful to growth for young children. I don't know if you've seen some of the cartoons that are on nowadays, but they are very, very different from what I remember as a kid. Maybe it's because the world of animation has gotten so much more advanced and producers can't help but use every single technique for creating a show with constant motion, high-energy music, and scene changes every single second. Even My Little Pony has gotten a facelift, complete with techno music and neon colored ponies. Very different than the pastoral, peace-loving creatures that live somewhere in my memory.

The TED talk references the oldschool children's program Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood as the type of program that is preferential for kids since its pacing is much more similar to real life and the energy level is way less intense. Paul and I got curious. It's been awhile since either of us had seen the show. We discovered that Mr. Rogers is available for streaming on Amazon Prime, so we watched a few snippets. I was totally sold when he visited a luthier who was making a double bass, followed by an interview with Yo-Yo Ma. Yo-Yo talked about how he started cello, how to choose an instrument, and played a few pieces different pieces to show emotion in music. I loved it! The show was overall a little dated based on Yo-Yo's wire-rimed glasses and Mr. Rogers' sweater set, but the luthier could have passed for any other hipster dude walking down Sunset (he was rocking a plaid flannel shirt and beard). Mr. Rogers proceeded to welcome his guitar playing friend into the interview with Yo-Yo. He asked if the two of them could play something together, and lo and behold the guitarist pulls out a classical, nylon-string guitar! I was ecstatic!

And then the guitarist did something very peculiar. He pulled out a PICK and started STRUMMING the poor classical guitar, alternating between a total of a whopping two chords. I wasn't listening at that point as the knife had already sunk to deeply into my heart and I was yelling obscenities at the screen. I mean, really? You're going to strum a classical guitar and waste a perfectly good opportunity to talk about this lovely nylon-stringed instrument in all of its glory? And Yo-Yo? Why aren't you saying anything?! Has the Silk Road project left you with no musical integrity?! I guess Mr. Rogers didn't know any better either, but as the host of your own show you've got to say something when a guest is butchering an art form (which happens to be the very one that I've devoted my career to!)

So that was the end of my very short love affair with Mr. Rogers. I guess we'll stick to cartoon animals playing orchestral instruments for now. In moderation, of course.

May you rest in peace, Fred.

Breaking a Mallrat

I won't deny it. I love shopping. Growing up, it was fun to go on weekly trips to the mall with my mom and sister. We'd follow mom around and watch her peruse things, get an Orange Julius (basically, an orange creamsicle in a cup, which, now that I think back to it, is a pretty gross drink that only existed in the 80's). When I was old enough, I'd go off with my sister or friends and do my own browsing. Shopping is still the first thing my sister and I do together whenever we see each other. And it's not always about buying stuff - mostly, it's about spending time together without the boys, sharing our opinions about the latest trends, and delighting in the joy of a good sale. When I'm alone, it's more about just getting out, people watching, and being part of a crowd.

I've frequently taken Elisa to stores and malls to get out of the house on my days home. But now that she can walk, she won't stand for being in the stroller while we're inside a store. The other day, we were at Baby Gap just browsing. When she started whining to get out of the stroller, I figured it was a safe place to do so since there were lots of little ones around. I lifted her out and she gleefully proceeded to walk up and down the racks that were lowest to the ground, stopping to take a closer look at certain items, and taking things off the rack that she thought should go home with her. There was something very grown-up about the way that she was walking around the store proudly, not listening to my calls for her to come closer to me, her eyes glued to the items on the racks and shelves. Then it dawned on me - she was mimicking the way that I shop! She defiantly protested when I tried to prevent her from throwing a display of pants onto the ground. As I attempted to put her back into the stroller, she began kicking her feet and making high-pitched hyena noises. I knew we had to make our exit as soon as possible. So I promptly picked her up with one hand, put that stroller into gear with another, and zipped out and back into the mall, giving an apologetic smile to the salesperson who had greeted us and cooed over Elisa. I lowered my eyes when she raised an eyebrow at my flailing-limbed toddler.

It's probably not great parenting on my part to expect her to be able to sit through me dawdling around a store. But more so than that, I'm not sure that I want her to grow up with shopping being one of her central hobbies. Sometimes I wonder why buying stuff can be so exhilarating. I guess my dad's lectures on saving never really kicked in. Instead, I remember the mall as our happy place where the power of decision and the orange creamsicle in a cup put me into a blind trance of rabid consumerism. I guess I justify my father's teachings by being a proud bargain hunter and a Targetholic. So why is the feeling of finding a good deal such a rush? Is this the hunting and gathering of my culture, the desire to shop akin to my primordial instincts of foraging for fruits and berries, its very act central to my survival? Is this something that I really want to pass down to my daughter? And of course, wouldn't I save more money if I hadn't bought anything in the first place?

But that's no fun.

The jury's still out on this one. But for awhile, I will probably skip shopping in favor of more wholesome activities like the Los Angeles County Museum of Art. It is free to children and their caregivers, and is a great, wide open space good for lots of walking, running, and dawdling. There are a few outdoor exhibits that Elisa just loved when we went today. And we had no major episodes, just lots of exploring and smiles.

Elisa's kimono dress is by Tea Collection. It was a gift, I swear...